[sacw] [ACT] sacw dispatch (9 Feb 00)

[Harsh Kapoor]

South Asia Citizens Web Dispatch
9 February 2000

Please share the below information with others!
____________________
#1. Anger at India textbook bias
#2. Hindu Fundamentalist Thugs gunning for Taslima Nasreen in India
#3. Indo Naga Peoples Dialogue & Peace March
#4. On the condition of Widows in Vrindavan [India]
#5. Breaking the silence on Incest in India
____________________

#1.

Guardian Weekly | Story

ANGER AT INDIA TEXTBOOK BIAS
by Stephen Bates in New Delhi

Thursday February 3, 2000

Concerns that India's increasingly nationalistic government is
rewriting school text books to depict Muslims and Christians as alien
villains was made public last week as history teachers launched a protest
against a creeping bias in their curriculum.

Extraordinary examples of non-Hindus being described as foreigners,
attempts to defend the caste system, and even a laudatory account of Hitler
are being pointed to as examples of an attempt by the Bharatiya Janata
Party (BJP), the dominant partner of the ruling coalition, to influence
attitudes by stealth.

=46or example, an examination question in the state of Uttar Pradesh asked:
"If it takes four savaks [Hindu religious workers] to demolish one mosque,
how many does it take to demolish 20?"

Teesta Setalvad, a prominent campaigner against the changes, said:
"Prejudice is being bred among children. Some texts heighten irrational
thinking and glorify upper-caste Hindu symbols. The [education] minister
has made his intentions amply clear."

She fears not only that deliberate distortions are being written into
textbooks by pro-BJP academics, but that at a time of heightened tensions
with Pakistan, the country's schools are fuelling intolerance.

Although the central government does not have control of the curriculum,
India's state governments do, and changes in textbooks are arising in all
states, but especially those with a BJP majority.

Murli Manohar Joshi, India's human resources development minister with
responsibility for education, has called for textbooks to be overhauled and
"enthused with national spirit", and has attacked "myopic Western
mind-sets" in the education system.

In Rajasthan a recently issued text on conversation and essay writing
depicts a pupil discussing India's nuclear weapons tests with his teacher.
It reads: "Student: 'Master, what has India achieved by doing the nuclear
tests? Was it a right step?' Teacher: 'Undoubtedly it was correct, India
has achieved a huge success.'

"Student: 'What success? Economic sanctions have been slapped on.' Teacher:
'Economic sanctions do not matter. The country should first become
powerful. Only the powerful are listened to. Now we can talk about world
peace aggressively.'"

A social studies text in Gujarat describes the country's caste system as an
ideal way of building society's social and economic structure, and says of
lower-caste people: "Of course, their ignorance, illiteracy and blind faith
are to be blamed for lack of progress because they still fail to realise
the importance of education in life."

Most astonishing, though, are the other textbooks in Gujarat that extol the
superiority of the Aryan race. A new history and civics textbook claims:
"Aryans were the most illustrious race in history. They were a tall, fair
complexioned, good-looking and cultured people."

Another of the state's social studies books finds no space for describing
Hitler's persecution of the Jews, but claims that "he instilled the spirit
of adventure in the common people".

About 60 teachers-a tiny proportion of a quiescent profession in India- are
calling on the government to abandon the indoctrination. "The demand to
rewrite textbooks should come from academics, not politicians," the
academic philosopher M P Rege said. "In the interest of academic
impartiality, political moves of this kind must be resisted."

Guardian Unlimited =A9 Guardian Newspapers Limited 2000

____________

#2.

The Asian Age
9 February 2000

ARREST TASLIMA, SAYS BENGAL BJP
By Parwez Hafeez

Calcutta: The West Bengal unit of the BJP has demanded the immediate arrest
of Bangladeshi writer Taslima Nasreen, accusing her of "insulting the whole
country." The reason for the BJP's wrath is Ms Nasreen's vehement attack
on the Sangh Parivar for disrupting the shooting of Deepa Mehta's Water. A
local Bengali daily on Tuesday published a strongly-worded article by Ms
Nasreen condemning religious fundamentalism of all kinds. "What is the
state of freedom of expression in the largest democracy of the world at the
beginning of 21st century? A film is not being allowed to be made," the
article begins. Defending both Deepa Mehta and Shabana Azmi, Nasreen says
everybody knows that the pathetic life of widows in Kashi, which Ms Mehta
wants to depict in her movie, is not a false description. "A country where
questions are raised over the freedom of an artist may be anything but
civilised," Ms Nasreen says. This is the sentence that has offended the
state BJP. General secretary Rahul Sinha said: "She is abusing our
hospitality. Staying in our country, she has the audacity to insult the
whole country." He called her article not only an insult but also "obscene
and crude." He said: "She has not been content with insulting the people of
this country but has also made distasteful and obscene comments." BJP
leaders also seem to have been provoked by Ms Nasreen's observation that
Hindu fundamentalists have pounced upon Ms Mehta in an attempt to cover up
the truth. "This is the only work for the fundamentalists: to worship
falsehoods and to cling to these falsehoods, because the moment truth comes
to the surface they feel threatened," she says. Interestingly, when Ms
Nasreen had flayed Muslim fundamentalists in Bangladesh in her novel Lajja,
the same BJP had hailed her as an honest and courageous writer. The Sangh
Parivar had even got her controversial book translated into Hindi and other
Indian languages and distributed free.
____________

#3.
A JOURNEY OF CONSCIENCE

THE INDO-NAGA PEOPLES TO PEOPLES INTERFACE on 29TH JANUARY, 2000
and PEACE MARCH on 31ST JANUARY 2000

Report by :
THE NAGA PEOPLES MOVEMENT FOR HUMAN RIGHTS (NPMHR)

The NPMHR initiated a peoples to peoples dialogue between the Indian and
the Naga civil society, on 29th January 2000, in Delhi, at Vishwa Yuvak
Kendra (Circular Road, Chanakyapuri). A delegation of about 60 members,
from various walks of life, from different districts and organizations of
the Naga areas, came to Delhi to exchange their views with their
counterparts in India. Several of the important mass organizations working
amongst the Nagas, especially on the issues arising out of the current
cease-fire, were represented. They represented a broad spectrum of
movements, involved in the ongoing mass activities concerning political,
human rights, women, environment, students. The Naga Hoho and the United
Naga Council represented the political spectrum; the NPMHR and the Concern
Citizens Forum, Mokokchung represented the spectrum of human rights; the
Naga Mothers Association and the Naga Women Union, Manipur represented the
womens issues; and the students were represented by the Naga Students'
=46ederation and the All Naga Students Association Manipur. In addition to
these, certain educational and religious institutions also participated
viz., Patkai Christian College, Oriental Theological Seminary and the
Nagaland Baptist Church Council.

This dialogue was initiated keeping in mind the lack of progress in the on
going peace process which began between the Government of India and the
National Socialist Council of Nagaland (NSCN-IM), in August 1997, with the
cease-fire agreement. The Naga civil society sought a dialogue, which can
foster and nourish a conducive atmosphere where the case of the Nagas can
be put forward. They also felt that the cease-fire was the beginning of a
process where the civil society will usher in a new era of peace.

Mr. Niketu Iralu, stated that this dialogue is a challenge before the Naga
civil society. He hoped that this Journey would be an opening for peace and
transparency, which is necessary for resolving the Indo-Naga conflict. Mr.
Iralu felt that the interaction upon the Naga problem, only at the central
level, has been the main reason for the failure of the previous talks.
Previously, the Indian citizen had been kept in the dark about the real
issues surrounding the Naga conflict. The Indian media has depicted the
Naga struggle as secessionist, in contradiction to the facts of the Naga
case. The Naga elders made the Naga position clear before Indias
Independence, when they decided to declare Nagaland as an independent
nation on August 14th, 1947. Thus, factually speaking, the Nagas cannot be
termed as secessionists, separatists and / or anti-national. The speaker
further stated that the choice of Delhi as the starting point of the
Journey of Conscience is a symbolic act, since the mortal remains of
Mahatma Gandhi, the father of the nation and the man who understood the
Naga history, lies here.

Rev. Dr. Wati Aier, the second speaker, appealed to the Indian citizens to
understand and journey with us. The speaker stated that the Nagas must
appreciate the Indian leaders openness and courage, because in the past two
years, inspite of the security and political problems afflicting India,
they are still willing to talk. The ongoing cease-fire is in itself
significant. The speaker pointed out the aims and objectives as: 1. The
dialogue is borne out of moral and ethical reasons and if this talk were
mishandled, the outcome would be too costly for both the parties. 2. A
paradigm shift was sought where narcissist and apologetic tendencies must
end. The Indo-Naga talks must allow transparency, enabling us to cohesively
develop political and social initiatives. But for any solution to
materialize, we must learn from our past failures, which is critical to all
Nagas at large and not limited only to the different groups. The time is
right for new thinking and initiatives.

3. In order to progress in the peace process we must try to deal with
violence persisting among ourselves.

4. Dr. Aier felt that the Naga Peoples Movement for Human Rights, Naga
Mothers Association, student bodies and the church cannot escape from
reality. We must invoke a critical solidarity because solidarity in itself
is not enough. The truth and reality is that the cease-fire is lying open
for us to confront the existing problems and we must avail this moment to
set up an alternative social and economic order. Dr. Aier concluded that if
our generation and the leaders together ensure, that tomorrow would be
qualitatively different, then our destiny is not far away.

The third speaker, Mr.Tapan Bose (Secretary general, South Asian Forum for
Human Rights), opined that Indians for a long time have been ignorant about
the Naga cause. Many ruses were used to keep the people in the dark. The
so-called Indian "Democracy" has desecrated the churches, raped the women,
killed innocent Nagas and burnt down entire villages, in the name of
preserving the territorial integrity of India. These atrocious acts have
brought shame upon a large number of fellow citizens. The speaker assured
that the Indian civil society would continue to fight the injustice that
has been meted out to the Nagas, in the political and judicial spheres. The
failure of any path-breaking conflict resolution for the Naga issue is due
to the system, which encourages the decision-making on behalf of the
people, who in reality are voiceless and ignorant about the glaring facts.
The 1984 Sikh riots, the Babri Masjid issue and the attacks on the minority
communities goes a step forward to show that India is a weak democracy.
Thus we have to build solidarity and alliances with the oppressed who are
being crushed in the name of democracy.

Mr. Tapan further stated that the killings which the Indian state is
indulging in, for territorial control is anti people and that the State is
not justified in continuing to wage war and shed innocent blood in the name
of security and territorial integrity. The Akbar Hydari Agreement, the 16
Points Agreement and the Shillong Accord were all dictated by the Indian
state. It is time to understand that peace cannot be brought through war
and bullying. It has to be a part of democratic process, which is open and
allows the people to participate. The speaker appealed to the Naga civil
society to open up more doors and channels of communications so that the
ground is conducive for the Naga and the Indian civil societies to join
hands and work together in finding a peaceful resolution to the Naga
conflict.

=46rom the discussions, which were held with the members of the Indian civil
societies, we may conclude that the Indian citizens feel, that:

1. The Naga civil society has witnessed fear psychosis for a long time and
that the civil society has to help the people out of this. The church also
has to be able to link up the social and the spiritual reality, which is
absent.

2. There has to be more awareness about the real Naga issue, in the Indian
civil society. The Naga Civil society has to ask for space in the political
mainstream (where their destiny is being debated and settled without
reference to them, thus far).

3. The Indian state has added to the problems in the Naga conflict by
introducing counter insurgency tactics and pumping money into the Naga
conflict areas. Dialogue has stopped and there is censorship of information.

4. The Human Rights network must expand and there should be more
fact-finding teams going to Naga areas to throw light on the facts. 5. The
Indian army has no business in Naga areas but there is a lot of conflict
among the Naga communities themselves like factionalism, tribalism and
identity politics. It is time that the Nagas learnt to prioritize their
needs and demands.

6. The public should be a part of the peace process and not remain as mere
spectators. The Naga civil society should work towards making the role of
the Naga people prominent.

7. The cease-fire should not be undermined. This is a significant
achievement and it is important that the Naga people should be able to
network questions upon the cease-fire because it is directly linked to
peace.

8. In conclusion, Mr. Gautam Navlakha spoke about the importance of the
role of civil society in the Naga political movement. He felt that there is
absence of the civil society to take up the Naga struggle in terms of
constitutional arrangement. For the distorted picture of the peace
negotiations between the Indian state and the Naga leaders, the media is to
be blamed to a large extent, as it has only given the official version of
the peace talks and the cease-fire. The civil societies should take the
peace negotiations seriously because a breakdown in the process would mean
diversion of resources and also weaken democracy and democratic set up,
which is a threat to the Indian people as well.

PEACE MARCH (31st Jan, 2000)

A seven hundred member rally, constituting delegations from the Naga areas,
democratic rights organizations from Delhi and concerned students and
citizens, was organized by the Naga Peoples Movement for Human Rights
(NPMHR). The purpose of the rally was to bring the issues and concerns of
the Naga people & areas closer to the people (citizens, students and
intellectuals ), in Delhi.

The rally was successful in its aims and objectives ; throughout the route
of the rally (from Mandi House to Parliament Street) the rallyists voiced
slogans and sang songs emphasizing Naga solidarity ; importance of peace
for carrying forward the on-going dialogue; justice to the Naga people.
Numerous placards were also being carried, stating these concerns. In
addition to this, as part of spreading awareness among the common citizens
of India, about the events and aspirations of the Nagas, a pamphlet,
Journey of Conscience, was widely circulated which was printed in Hindi and
English. The rally culminated near the Parliament Street police station
where the rallyists assembled peacefully. Cultural events comprising of
traditional Naga songs were rendered by the students from Patkai Christian
College and Oriental Theological Seminary. These performances were
interspersed with brief speeches by activists (from the civil society
organizations of the Naga areas and Delhi). Mr. Neingulo Krome (NPMHR),
spoke about the sufferings and loss of life of many innocent people due to
the protracted, decades long conflict. There has been no amicable solution
to the Indo-Naga conflict till now. One cannot see any development from the
1997 cease-fire agreement and there is fear of the negotiation breaking
down. He opined that the Naga civil society had witnessed a long, bloody
and traumatic conflict and thus the future cannot be laid in the hands of
guns and bullets. He appealed to the Naga and the Indian civil societies to
participate in a peoples to peoples dialogue, for working out a common
ground solution acceptable to both the parties. If this is not carried out
seriously, the political conflict will continue and will destroy and worsen
the situation which is already alarming. Mr. Niketu Iralu (Nagaland Baptist
Church Council), stated that the Indian citizens must be made aware of the
Naga conflict-therefore, this Journey of Conscience. The speaker appealed
to the Indian people to understand that the Nagas are neither anti-Indian
nor anti-national. The reality was, the Naga struggle had commenced prior
to Indian Independence !

Mr. Elias Humtsoe (NPMHR), stated that " the Nagas and the Indian people
must learn to respect and to live together in peace". He gave a call to the
Indian civil societies to join the Nagas in the Journey of Conscience. Mr.
Vimal Bhai (National Allaince of Peoples' Movements), offered
organizational support and said that their participation in the rally was
to demonstrate the Indian citizens love for peace and justice, and that
they respect this initiative of the Naga civil society. He stated that
history has not been just to the Nagas and consequently, the struggle had
come this far . The Indian state cannot get away by terrorizing and
intimidating the democratic struggle, and that it must seek for a just
solution.

Mr. Rakesh Shukla (Secretary, Peoples Union for Democratic Rights),
extended solidarity in the fight against the injustice meted out to the
Naga peoples cause. He expressed the need for more interaction between the
Naga and the Indian civil societies because the peace process is too
important to be left to the Government alone. The common people must
participate in the process too.

Mr. Kumar Sanjay Singh (Lecturer, Delhi University), stated that even if we
are different, the demand raised is fundamental because it is vital for the
sustenance of democracy. The desire to live in peace and avail of the basic
fundamental and human rights is what makes a democracy strong and a civil
society vibrant. This is why "the demands raised by the Nagas is as much
yours as ours ". What is happening in the NorthEast (the ill-effects) would
not remain confined to the North-East and Naga areas, but would have
repercussions in the rest of the country as well. It is imperative,
therefore, that the people in different parts of the country understand
that the transgressions upon the civil society by the state leads to
erosion of democracy everywhere. That is why it is a must that activists of
the civil societies in different regions communicate with each other.
Unfortunately, till now, the dialogue between them is a dialogue of the
deaf, since every civil society is too deeply engrossed in their own
respective problems. If this dialogue were to succeed and all the peoples
realize that any problem is not a problem of a specific region but is a
collective problem, then we will go a long way in establishing a genuine
democracy in the sub-continent.

Organisations including PUDR, NBA, Vidya Joyti, All India Coordinating
=46orum of Adivasi-Indigenous Peoples, The Other Media, Other Media
Communications, Moral Rearmament Group, participated in the rally to show
solidarity.

DATED 1ST FEBRUARY, 2000 / NEW DELHI
____________

#4.
[The below study done in 1998]

WIDOWS OF VRINDAVAN : ASSET OR LIABILITY
By V.B.Rawat

Radharani Sarkar,90 was belonged to a middle class Kayastha family of
Chaubis Pargana in West Bengal. Her husband who was a factory worker died
of Kalajawar. At the time of widowhood Radharani was just 40. Her son
became an engineer after days of struggle and now has his own factory in
Hawarh. Every thing was fine with this family when one day the son forced
his mother on coach to Varanasi. Unmindful of where she was heading for
Radharani passed through Varansi and ultimately reached Amritsar. A place
very much unknown and the language outside her knowledge..Radharani found
her way to Vrindavan through an accomplice say bengali speaking person.
Today, it is over 7 years that she has been here in complete isolation with
no one from the family ever tried to contact her. In her one room shell
provided by the All India women's Conference she says that the brutal
behaviour of her son and daughter in law has compelled her to live life in
seclusion otherwise she would have loved living a family life.

There are thousands of such women coming in from various parts of the
country predominantly from eastern India such as Bengal, Orrisa and Bihar.
It is said that Vrindavan is the place of Lord Krishna's childhood and
Bengali saint Chaitnya Mahaprabhu stayed here in search of Krishna. This
place could be termed as mini Bengal as you can find bangali women roaming
on the streets. In fact most of the temples and ashrams in Vrindavan have
the Bengali domination.

Widowhood is considered to be a curse in the traditional Indian society.
Bengal had in the earlier days the tradition of widow burning as well as
complete social isolation of widowed until Raja Rammohan Roy stepped in to
work against this inhumanist tradition. Still the social isolation of
widows a reality in the rural areas of Bengal. Most of women from Bengal
belong to district Chaubis Pargana, Medinipur, Murshibad, Purulia,Bhorisal
and Bardman. A Bengali women is emotionally attached to Vrindavan due to
immense popularity of Gaurang Maha Prabhu and hence if any one of the
family want to get rid of a widowed mother who is a "burden", is forced out
to Vrindavan for her =91mukti=92 in the abode of Radhe, the lover of Lord
Krishna.

Vrindavan is a small town adjacent to Mathura but the number of
temples,more than 7500, trusts, Nationalised Bank, Asrahms, Sociaties and
of course the widows from Bengal is alarmingly high. There are two "Central
Welfare Board" assisted societies : Akashdeep Society, Vidhava Mahila
Ashram Grih, All India Women=92s Conference=92s shelter home but barring the
last one the situation is first two can only be imagined after going the
dirty areas where two to three women live-cook in small shells provided by
the societies. Normally, the board has allowed 30 women in a home and total
of Rs 60,000 is provided to each society for a year. Most of the people
involved have complaint against the board that even this meagre payment
never comes in time some time even after a year they have not got the
assistance. There is another society Brij Madhuri Shiksha Samiti which has
been stopped funding from the Central Welfare Board. He has a good thirty
old women on the bank of Yamuna and has relatively a better facilities
though about 20 women are put in a small big room where they are provided
with a box bed. They cook for themselves and are asked to help prepare "
durry" which they finish in ten to fifteen days. The labour cost per durry
is Rs 15/-but the Durry cost is said to be Rs 250 but definitely more than
that. Mr M.H.Khanna, secretary of the society is completely disillussioned
with the behaviour of Central Welfare Board, " I can do a lullo-chappo of
them hence they have decided to cut my aid. They said that my organisation
is not working while I am still there since I cannot throw these women out
of here, he lament disgustingly.

In the township, the access of these Bengali refugees cum devotees have
certainly threatened the demography of the area. In Radhakund which is an
hour drive from Mathura where Radha and Krishna are supposed to have their
regular bath in two different Kunds, when I interact with the Bangali women
in the street wanting to know about their problems some local youths
surround me and want to take me with them forcefully. I promise them that I
would respond to them but they wont relent. After finishing I approach to
those youths who are the "original inhabitants" of the town. They ask me as
if I have come from CBI or CID. If yes than they would provide me some
interesting information about these Bengali widows. A firm no from my side
just change their attitude. What do I want to achieve from this, " they
said. These Bengalis are morally corrupt..True some of them are widows but
most of them come here to earn money and bring their children also. They
are involved in flash trade. Some of them are kept in the ashrams of their
Gurus. The local populace of Radha kund is reduced to a minority with these
Bangalies with their bogus ration cards are on the voter list and have a
majority in local municipality.

Some few yards away, about one hundred widows are singing bhajans in the
Bhajanasrham of Radhakund in Patharpura. Pt Khem Chandra Gaur, the chief of
the Ashram is busy supervising morning meal for the widows. Gaur is always
averse to my meeting with the ashramites though he does not say it directly
but would say that he only can provide better information about the
inmates. But I insist that my aim is to know their background and reason
for coming here which he said poverty, illiteracy, polygamy that persist in
Bengal as if these traits are not available in other parts of the country.
No, Chaitnya Maha Prabhu came here from Bengal and hence these are the
followers of Maha-Prabhu and want to die here in the abode of
Radhe-Krishna. It is Sunday morning and Poornmasi ( fullmoon day) a Seth is
expected to come here in the ashram from Delhi with his family for
Bhandara. I sit quietly at a corner observing their " Radhe-Radhe" murmurs.
They have to sing this Radhe-radhe only for four hours in the morning from
6 am to 10 am and than 3 pm to 7pm in the evening. And as a matter of fact
are paid Rs 2/-and 50 Gram dal and 250 gram rice per day. Gaur takes pride
that these women earn a lot and send back to their home in Bengal out of
love.

Sethji is arrived with the family from Delhi in white Ambassdor Car..The
entire ashram staff is alert in welcoming the family. At 10 am as the
bhajans finished, the announcement is made by Shri Gaur that Seth ji has
come, so all the Mais as they are affectionately or calculatedly called in
the entire area, now prepare themselves for big mean, sit on the open of
the ashram. I am also asked to sit on the floor albeit separately with an
old chatai provided to me and some Pattal in which we are supposed to take
meal. "Sethji dilli se aye hain chalkar aap ke liye..Yeh aap ke anndata
hain=8A.Seth jee Keee=8A..Jai, says the women. Again the same story is repea=
ted
for Sethji=92s sons, daughter in laws, wife, and grandsons=8AIt was a scene
that I could never imagine in my life how these ashrams are managed.

Back in Vrindavan, I ask an official of bhajanahram what about the charges
of getting huge amount in the name of widows from the big business houses
of Calcutta, Delhi and Mumbai. He denies this vehemently but says that
there is no social problems and these women have come here our of their
love, affection, devotion and to get Moksha in the land of Radhe. When I
ask why there energy is not channalised ? He says that these are mais and
old aged so why should we force them to work They have come here with a
sole purpose of their devotion to Radhe. But it is these Bhajanashrams
which has the maximum number of mais. In Vrindavan their number is about
1600, in Radhakund 300 while Goverdhan,Varsane, Mathura and Gokul have
100,50,130 and 150 respectively.

The claims of love and affections are rebutted by not only from other
activist but also from the widows themselves. Most of them interviewed (
about 200 samples were collected from various places in Mathura, Goverdhan,
Radhekund, and Vrindavan where they usually stay.) term the social
condition against them. Early marriages, a wide gap of age between husband
and wife, in most of the cases a women at the age of 15 became widow.
Strangely enough even a women at the age of 7 got married to a person at
forty. The day schedule of these widows is quite hectic since if they do
not go to bhajanasrhm they lose their money as well as rice and dal. They
have no time to cook hence most them prefer to beg. Very few of them are
now getting old aged pension of Rs 1500/-annum from the govt of India. In
the Gyan Gujari Vidhava Asrham, I found a young women aged 35 with her
parting hair with Sindoor and therefore was curious to inquire about her
background. She was a deserter but would love to die as a Suhagan hence
continue to worship her Swamy. I ask how she came here and pat came the
reply that the Guruji has suggested to come to Vrindavan. Interestingly,
she is one of the two women who is getting old aged pension in this ashram.

Tunu Vishwas, 60 came here from Murshidabad when her sons and daughter in
laws left her as a Panda told her to go for "Moksha". How was she feeling
here at the abode of Radhe I asked. Beta, why would any body come here at
her own. Look here..at this age we need love and affection of our children
but for them I am no more..they never care to ask about me. Where-else can
we go in such a situation when our own have left us. I would love to go if
some body is ready to help.

In the name of these widows the funds are flowing in Vrindavan and other
adjacent areas. There are posh ashrams from all the big business people. It
is said that no body dies of hunger in Vrindavan. Today these widows might
be a liability for themselves but they have become a big asset for everyone
here in Vrindavan whether he/she is a social worker, hotelier, dharmshala
owners or ashramite singing "radhe-radhe" every where numbering from 10 to
200, thus attracting the potential clients to fund these social activists
who are either government servants and even journalists.
____________

#5.

Outlook
=46ebruary 14, 2000
Society

A RELATIVE UNEASE IN HELPING FIVE WOMEN SPEAK OUT

'The house I grew up in' breaks silences around incest

My college-going brother used to touch me sexually, in the night, always
when I least expected it. My body used to respond. I used to be sexually
aroused. I even remember having an orgasm. The abuse occurred in the grey
area of being awake and being asleep. My brother was never hurtful and most
of the time, very gentle.

A 27-year-old incest survivor in The house I grew up in.

Human relationships, their intricacies, always resist being hammered into
stereotypes. There are no conventional abusers, nor hackneyed victims in
homes riddled with secrets of incestuous abuse. These terrible betrayals of
love and trust happen in families like ours-maybe even in our own families=
=8A

And it=92s this truth that rings clear in the moving testimonies made by fiv=
e
Indian women who suffered childhood incest in the recently released book
The house I grew up in. A first-ever record of the experiences of those who
survived abusive incest in our 'well-knit-Indian homes' brought out by
Delhi-based NGO, RAHI (Recovering and Healing from Incest). The book, in
fact, is a valuable insight into a ubiquitous problem that a survey report
brought out by the NGO in 1998 had indicated-40 per cent of the 600 women
respondents between ages 18 to 35 had said they had been sexually abused by
at least one member within their family.

The book has these statistics becoming women, victims and survivors.
=46raught with conflicting messages about the relationship between love and
sex, trust and betrayal in girlhood, the strength of these first-hand
accounts is that they make no pretensions at simplifying complex responses
children feel when abused. So, a 42-year-old Calcutta-based entrepreneur
confesses she started looking forward to meeting her uncle who=92d begun
assaulting her sexually at age 11: "I felt like a woman: special and
wanted. At one point of time, sex with him even became stimulating." And a
19-year-old student insists her brother "is not an evil person really" and
she "simply cannot label him abuser".

The painful impact abusive experiences in childhood have in adult lives is
also recounted. "Sixty years later, I still want to clean myself. I wash my
hands 50 times a day=8A A dog guards my cupboard," says a 67-year-old
Calcuttan housewife. Another 39-year-old Mumbai-based entrepreneur analyses
for herself: "I sought out sex. In the self-destructive way that only
survivors of incest can, in their desperate, terrible attempts to be loved,
to seek a sense of self, to regain their lost power. I had many lovers."

Significantly, the five brave women who share with us their pain, guilt and
sorrow, all confess to the benefits of speaking out their harrowing
experiences. Catharsis is half the cure: "I want to tell all those people
who=92ve had similar experiences, please talk about it, bring it out in the
open. Your life will change as mine has."

As a first effort to break the silences around an issue, The house=8A does
exceedingly well. But it opens up other grey areas that need to be
researched. For instance, the five women featured are from urban,
upper-middle-class homes. "Many might use this book to further deny the
fact that this happens in ordinary homes. They might say the book proves
that incest occurs only in affluent, westernised families," says clinical
psychologist Neeru Kanwar. "But in fact, the book urges people to confront,
speak out their problems."

Another flaw in the book perhaps is that it excludes male survivors of
incest; and in doing so reinforces a stereotype that only the girl child is
vulnerable to such abuse. Discounting the fact that no single report is
designed to right all wrongs, Radhika Chandiramani of sexual health
helpline tarshi says: "Sometimes it is even more difficult for men to talk
of the sexual abuses they suffer within the family. Because it is perceived
as unmacho, leads to self-doubts regarding their sexuality or, if the
perpetrator is a woman then makes them look a weakling."

Anuja Gupta, director of RAHI, makes no bones about the expectations she
had while putting together these testimonies. She understands that five
stories cannot be representative of incest in the entire country, nor be a
conclusive commentary on its long term impact. She makes no claims either
to the book being a purely scientific research document: "What these
stories do, however, is provide a disquieting glimpse into the nature of
incest, and how, when not dealt with at its roots, it emerges in adult life
in the form of symptoms which seem to have no ostensible link with its
occurrence." Most importantly, like Gupta says, the stories talk of the
necessity to talk. "They're meant for women everywhere, for those who=92ve
taken steps into recovery and those who think perhaps there's no way out."

by Soma Wadhwa

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SOUTH ASIA CITIZENS WEB DISPATCH (SACW) is an informal, independent &
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