[sacw] HEADS AND TALES: The RSS Knickerwala's CV

[Harsh Kapoor]

FYI
(South Asia Citizens Web)
================================

Times of India
Sunday 29 August 1999

HEADS AND TALES: The RSS Knickerwala's CV

Name : Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh

Father's Name: Keshav Baliram Hedgewar

Foster Father's Name: Madhav Sadashiv Golwalkar

Mother's Name: Not applicable

Spouse: Hindutva

Sex: Not Allowed

Personal Orientation: Brahmanical and Martial

Pet Name: Sanghi

Nick Name: Knickerwala

Date of Birth: September 1925

Place of Birth: Nagpur

Visible distinguishing mark/s: Military style loose khakhi shorts and
Bhagva(saffron) flag.

Nationality: Bharatiya

Permanent Address: shakhas, akharas

Desired Address: Deconstructed Mosques

Profession: To transform Hindu society, karmayoga.

Criminal or police record: Banned in 1948, 1975 and 1992.

Educational Qualifications

Primary Education: Rituals, exercises and character-building lessons.
The objective was to unite the Hindu community and transform Hindu
society. It was a disinterested commentator of Indian society.

Secondary Education: Invincible physical strength, character,
intellectual acumen and fortitude.

Extra-curricular Activities: Maintaining links with the `family' by
recruiting `swayamsevaks' into affiliates, banning cow slaughter,
restoring temples where there were mosques earlier, reconverting
Muslims and Christians to Hinduism, asking for a common civil code and
scrapping of Article 370.

Strengths: Religious zeal, strict self-control, discipline and total
identification with the Hindu community.

Workout: I use traditional weapons and drills, but especially partial
to the Lathi.

Favourite Icons: Hanuman and Swami Ramdas.

Pet Hates: Muslims and to some extent Christians. Also all Hindus who
disagree with me.

Favourite Words: Militancy, vigour and domination, swadeshi.

Favourite Abuses: Cowardice of Hindus, laziness, lack of spirit, slave
mentality; also, secularism, tolerance, liberalism, communism,
capitalism, Westernisation.

Nastiest Thing said about me: ``The epitaph for the RSS volunteer will
be that he was born, he joined the RSS and he died without
accomplishing anything.'' V D Savarkar.

How I proved him wrong: The demolition of the Babri Masjid in 1992.

Best Friends: All those who believe in my credo.

Famous Beneficiaries: Sardar Patel, Indira Gandhi and P.V. Narasimha
Rao.

Enemies: See column on Pet Hates. Also, Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

Philosophical Credo: Ideological advaita and practical dvaita (the
latter is popularly known as `dual membership').

Particulars of Children: Several

Favourite Child: Was called the Bharatiya Jan Sangh at birth; changed
his name to Bharatiya Janata Party on attaining maturity.

Relationship with favourite child: A love and hate relationship.

What I like about the BJP: His dependence on me and its flexibility,
malleability and lack of any real convictions.

What I loath about the BJP: His promiscuity. He has made friends with
all sorts of weirdos like the socialists; also, he has joined strange
cults such as the `Mandalites'. What appals me most is his cavorting
with women -- after all Papa thought that accepting the female of the
species in the family would be imprudent -- like Mamata and
Jayalalitha.

Why I will disinherit my favourite son: He thinks nothing of my wife,
Hindutva, and she has increasingly become marginal for him. He cannot
decide whether he is moderate or militant. Rather, he speaks of such
namby-pamby stuff as national unity and political pragmatism.

What I find unforgivable in him: This useless talk about coalitions
and federalism, negotiation and alliance.

Why I think he is selling the family silver: He has given up my belief
in ideological homogeneity and purity. Discipline, centralisation and
a strong national culture mean nothing to him.

Will my son drive me out of the country: Yes.

Which would be my preferred country of residence in exile: Pakistan.

Why: They are the only ones who, apart from me, believe in the
two-nation theory.

-- Jyotirmaya Sharma
c Bennett, Coleman & Co. Ltd. 1997. Reproduction in whole or in part
without written permission is prohibited. To access reprinting rights,
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